Ice cream

In the summer of 1990, Mrs. P and I had just graduated from college, she and Mr. P were newly married, and Shobi-wan and I were shacked up in the top half of a yellow house about half a mile from the Ps. In those days there weren't a lot of places to go "out" in Tacoma, or at least in the half of town we knew. There was almost nowhere to go, other than the Denny's on Pearl or the Dunkin' Donuts on 6th (which has apparently since closed), or the E-9 brewpub. A group of us went to the Java Jive a couple times, but it was a dive in those days and wasn't a place for two young women to hang out in. This was in the time before the Northwest coffee culture took hold, and most coffee not found in a home kitchen was in Seven-Eleven stores.


Shobi-wan worked Security for the university and worked the typical summer shift of four noon-to-midnight shifts followed by four midnight-to-noon shifts, with a couple days between. Our apartment was not air conditioned and nights when Shobi-wan was working I was often hanging out with Mrs. P and sometimes Mr. P.


Sometimes I would call Mrs. P and suggest we go out for ice cream. In fact I don't know how many times we did it, but in my memory it was often. We went to a family ice cream parlor, a place like Fentons or the Ice Creamery. We sat on curlicue metal-backed chairs, ate ice cream, and talked under the cooled air blowing from the ceiling vents. I remember feeling like it seemed so old-fashioned to go out for ice cream rather than a drink. Ice cream's not much of a vice when you're newly 21.


I don't remember what we talked about, probably love. Now when an evening feels summery, like today's did, I want to call Mrs. P and ask her if she's interested in joining me for some ice cream.

Mrs. P, August 2004

Behind the curtain in my mind

I had one of those "mom trigger moments" when Mom and I were hanging out the other day. Mom and I don't have many of these as Mom generally says what she means and I don't usually over-read her remarks. However, when she suggested that I seem stressed out, and seem to often be irritated or irritable, I felt like I had to explain myself. She said this to me as I was telling her about a conversation Zirpu and I had about how each of us manages anger - not about our being angry with each other.


Even in the moment I felt like if this was Tea, or TL, or Desi or any other of my friends saying, "Hey, you seem kind of stressed out lately" that's what I would hear, and I would consider if I am indeed stressed out, and why. But because it was my mom, what I heard was, "You should mellow out. Your life would be easier because you wouldn't be annoyed all the time, and because people wouldn't think you are a pain in the ass, (though even in my mind the voice isn't saying she finds me a pain in the ass)," and "You could be better, nicer, etc."


Still, my first thought was that I will have to start editing what I talk to her about. Last weekend I complained about some things that happened in the training I'd attended, but I can't remember about complaining to her about being annoyed about other things, though I probably have because I don't think Mom would make stuff up. Maybe I have been irritable; I know I have been feeling some stress even though I'm not sure why.


This afternoon while drinking coffee with a new friend, I asked her what she does for fun, and she gardens, climbs rocks, hikes, and watches anime with friends, among other things. She asked me the same thing, and I couldn't really name anything quickly. I do things I think are fun, like go to Bi Women's meetings and work at the food bank, but those aren't really things I do for fun. Because I'm not feeling that happy about our last conversation, hanging out with Mom didn't make the list, though I think usually it does. I've only had one dance lesson in the last three weeks and I've been feeling burnt out about dance so dancing didn't either.


This may be why I have been reading so much lately (and Raven was a downer). I feel like I have been struggling writing this blog, though I have been faithful to my original resolution and keep doing it, quality (and audience) be damned. This is work too (and harder than the food bank, for sure). Because I don't know why I'm stressed I can't really do anything to alleviate it, other than not pay attention (read a book).

The Food Bank On TV

A couple weeks ago Sherry Hu from Channel 5 News (local CBS affiliate, KPIX) came to the food bank warehouse to talk about from where the food we give clients comes. This was not a story about the food bank, though; it was about the shocking fact that an educated, housed, white woman "Dumpster dives" for food. She doesn't do it because she can't afford food, but because she doesn't want unpurchased food to go into landfills.


The reason why Hu and a cameraman came out to the food bank was because they were chasing down what happens to the food that doesn't get purchased, and our food bank receives food from Trader Joe's and Safeway (neither of which could be mentioned by name in the story). They came out on one of our "USDA Days," which is the third Wednesday of the month. It's a bigger operation, serving twice the number of people in the same amount of time that we serve at the trailer, with the funds for the program coming from the feds rather than the city. We see some of the same people as we see at the trailer, and we often see the same people month after month.


Hu and the cameraman came late in the day, after 3pm. I wish they had shown up earlier, when we had thirty people either being served or in line waiting to be served. I know that it's better for them that they came when things had quieted down, because the FB director had time to talk to Hu and wouldn't have to shout, but we had only about five clients come while they were there and it happens that the people who agreed to be on camera didn't represent our client base very well.


It's an interesting story, and of course fun to see someone I know on TV. You can read the story here, or click on the "play" button to the right to see the video.

What's cooking?

I made dinner in the crockpot* this evening. I crock often; when I was working regularly I generally did it once a week. I usually use either Better Homes & Gardens Low-Carb Slow Cooker Recipes (which I found in a remainder bin) or Mable Hoffman's Healthy Crockery Cookery. I didn't have high hopes for tonight's dinner, which came from Hoffman. It was a layer of cabbage/carrot salad (for coleslaw), topped with a layer of ground turkey, topped with a layer of chopped onion and uncooked rice (the answer is yes, Tea, you can cook rice in a crockpot, but only as an ingredient), topped with another layer of cabbage, all drenched with a jar of spaghetti sauce. Sometimes I leave the house with the crock on and the regrets start to creep in. I thought it might taste like cabbage rolls, but I can't remember if I like them or not.


I thought it was okay and Zirpu loved it. The beauty of the crockpot is that most recipes are really easy - a lot of recipes are casseroles, but certainly not all. I've roasted chickens a couple different ways in my crockpot. It can be done! But that's why I get sucked into using the crock: Ease. Any prep can be done the night before if necessary and you can get away quick with the dump-and-run if you need to.

I didn't write in my college textbooks, but that may be because I learn by rewriting my notes, but I do write in my cookbooks. I almost always want to tell my future self how to make something better, or not to bother making it again. My two favorite notes are "Even Zirpu didn't like this!" and "What was I thinking?" because they're different from the usual notes, which are often along the lines of "add more seasoning" or "this takes longer than it says." I've been writing in my cookbooks so long that I pretty much assume that if there's nothing written there I haven't made it before.


Probably like a lot of people, my really favorite thing to see on a recipe page is a smudge mark. The recipe for Aunt Syl's Enchilada Sauce is covered with tomato stains, and Blackbottom Cupcakes has cocoa and dried egg white on it. One of my cookbooks has many pages of the outline of an eggplant slice on it, from when Shobi-wan lost the slice during the salt-and-drain step. I think that is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I had a clever friend who wrote "scratch-and-sniff" next to a coffee ring on a letter he sent me once.



* "Crock-Pot" is actually a trademarked brand name owned by Rival. However, mine really are Rival Crock-Pots and anyway I think the word "crockpot" is well on the way to generic, like aspirin and band-aid. By the way, my sources tell me that the frozen crockpot meals are really awful, which is really no surprise to me.

What We Write

Last night a friend told me about another friend of hers who was recently fired from her job because of content on her website. The friend had gotten a job directing a program that involves children and youth. She was really excited about the position and was happily getting things started when she was called to a board meeting at which she was fired because of her sexual identity. She was ordered to immediately empty her desk of personal items and escorted to the exit.


The friend is a writer and as such has a website which includes information about herself and about her creative endeavors. She also has content on the site identifying herself as a bisexual person. The board did an internet search for the friend's name, according to my friend, because they panicked because by the Virginia Tech killings. They found her site and decided that because she isn't straight, this single mother is a menace to the children of their community. Of course the friend has no legal recourse for being unlawfully fired, because she wasn't. She's not in a community where sexual identity is a protected status for employment. The only suggestion that my friend could think to make was that her friend contact the ACLU because the board's action could be perceived as a movement against free speech.


I feel angry for the friend, because it's so ridiculous, stupid, and ignorant that this happened and doubly so for the reasons why. However, because I write about my sexual identity in this blog, I immediately thought about what I've written here. I think I'm protected because I do not use my real name on the blog, nor do I generally use the real names of the people who appear on these "pages." I don't do that because of what I write; I do it to keep my identity in general protected, however imperfectly. I also don't use this blog to advertise my business or show my skills, which some people do, so they have to attach their real names.


I'm really angry for this friend of my friend's. I've never seen it, but I imagine her website is a representation of herself, because it seems like that is why she was fired. Wrongly, regardless of the local laws. I'm also angry that people continue to be so damn ignorant! I could go on and on but I think that you can probably fill in why I think this whole situation sucks. I hope that the friend lands on her feet, and that's about the best I can do from here.

Climate Change

We saw Children of Men the other night. It's an adaptation of a novel by PD James which doesn't sound very much like the film. For a film about the lack of women's fertility in general but the pregnancy of one woman, the story revolves around men: The people who have put themselves in charge of what happens to the mother are all men, and the mother is more a vessel than anything else. In fact there are hardly any women in this film at all - I think three of them have speaking roles. Neva Chonin, a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, noticed this in a January column.


I was considering reading the book (the premise of which is that men are infertile) but I don't think I will. This is the thing: I don't like reading or seeing dystopian stories. I read 1984 the first time 23 years ago, and Brave New World not much later, but the stories written in my own time are hard for me to take. It doesn't matter if the dystopia is based on the weather, the culture, politics, technology, disease, or humans reverting to their baser natures (violence, xenophobia, superstition, etc.).


In my heart, I think this is what the future is going to look like. I could get pretty depressed about it so I avoid dystopian movies. Sure, I recycle and I drive a hybrid Civic, but I'm an American so am still responsible for a lot of global warming. And then there's China, and other countries for which economic development is more important than environmental impact (which is a fancy way of saying people who are hungry will burn forests to build farms). In fact, when a friend of mine mentioned recently that she is really concerned about global warming, I couldn't respond because I wasn't up for a conversation about the world going to hell in a handbasket.


I believe that people generally try to do the right thing for other people, and that the more we learn the more kindness we show each other. When I talk to a child or learn an acquaintance is pregnant, I feel hope. I'd rather feel hope than hopelessness, and I would rather imagine Gene Roddenberry's future than George Orwell's. I suppose that this makes me rather ostrich-like, but I try to do those things they tell us will make a difference even when I allow myself to think it won't make one.

Writing about writing II

Today after dropping Zirpu at BART I went to Eon Cafe. I have learned that sometimes I have to take myself away from the computer to get any writing done. Mostly of course it's the internet I need to cut off - there is a lot of stuff to look at out there. Eon's a local business and I'm trying to patronize local businesses if I can. Supporting small businesses and keeping the sales taxes in town are probably good things to do. I don't like their drip coffee that much, but the Vietnamese Cappuccino is worth checking out - it's made with sweetened condensed milk. They have wifi, but I don't have a laptop.


I opened my notebook and wrote down some of the things that have been happening, and what I think about them, for the last few weeks. I feel like I have been doing a lot of writing recently, like long emails for business (yes, business), a financial aid post, and the daily posts here. In fact I think the quality of my daily posts is suffering, and I suspect again that this is because I am waiting until too late in the day to write them. I also think that it is because I was feeling like I was behind on "all this writing" I had scheduled in my head to do so I wasn't putting as much thought into the posts and certainly not as much editing as I should have.


Writing is the one task I put off and put off the more of it there is to do. Now that I am through all that stuff, I hope that I will be able to concentrate again more fully on this project.