Phil's birthday was today. He would have been 41.
My closest college friend, the person I thought of as the other side of my coin, is still 24.
I think of how I now feel about 24 year olds, now that I'm 40, and I wonder at how I know I would feel that way about Phil, too. He's still 24. He's always going to be 24. I can't even imagine what he would be doing now, what he would be like now, because with two exceptions none of my college buds is now doing what each of us thought we would be doing sixteen years from 1992.
It's totally weird.
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My first boyfriend died on Sept. 27. Every year it hits me again. He would be 38, too. And he wont ever get to be. I didn't want to stay together, but I sure didn't want him not to get to live a life. It's totally weird. I get it.
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