Hot Chocolate Comfort

Mom and I met for lunch yesterday and had a good long talk. Among other things, we talked about how I've been feeling the last few months, the anxiety I was feeling in August/September, my general state of mind that is and is not work-related. It's hard to have work-related issues when I'm not working, but having what-comes-next-related issues loom large. Mom said that she hasn't asked me a lot about what has been going on, not because she's not interested but because she thought I would tell her when I was ready. For me, it wasn't so much not being ready to talk, but not having the words or the sense of what I wanted to say. Writing some of these past posts has actually given me the words at the same time it's helped me figure out what to say.

Thinking about that stuff brought me down somewhat. Zirpu and I had talked about going to the dance studio last night, but he admitted he isn't in the mood (he rarely is, on Friday nights) and I admitted to being torn between feeling I should go and not wanting to. I knew I'm kind of depressed last evening and just wanted to get back to my book.

And some hot chocolate. I watched part of "Emeril Live" the other night and he made this hot chocolate "kicked up" with Kahlua and rum (episode EM1E72 if you must know). Now let me just say I am not a big Emeril fan, though he has grown on me like a truffle. I cannot stand "Kick it up another notch!" or "Oooh yeah, baby," and I hate the way the audience cheers garlic, pork fat, and booze (I feel like Rhoda is walking around behind the cameras with a sign saying CHEER NOW on it, so everyone gives in to the peer pressure). I like the little stirring song that he hums, and I like the faces that he makes. I rarely have seen him a make a dish that I'm inspired to try at home, though, because his food takes too long to cook. But his hot chocolate sounded like it would be good for a time when I won't be driving or dancing. Like last night.

When I'm making "special" hot chocolate I use milk and Ghirardelli cocoa (and sugar if it's the unsweetened cocoa). For everyday use there's Safeway Select European Cafe style hot chocolate powder, and Carnation hot chocolate powder when the fancy stuff is out (we also keep Swiss Miss sugar-free hot choc powder on hand for my Nutrasweetie, but I think it's too sweet). As a teenager I became sort of a connoisseur of hot chocolate, because I didn't start drinking coffee until I was a junior in college (that was before there was a Starbucks on every corner, and most coffee came from cans labelled Yuban or Folger's).

So I drank the fancy powder hot choc (I hate cleaning cooked milk out of pans) with more than a dash of this Maria Lucia chocolaty coffee liqueur we received from a dance studio friend and a lot more than a dash of rum. Next time I think I won't put quite so much rum in my next cup, so I can taste the chocolate.