So Emotional!

I've been thinking about what this phrase, "so emotional," really means. I think it might mean,"easy to weep" or "easy to yell," which might better mean "easy to sadness/joy" or "easy to anger."

I have been very emotional for several months now. I've been getting teary easily, and am surprised, in fact, that I didn't cry more yesterday, and didn't burst into tears when I saw Pia very pregnant when she walked in the door. I did however have to wipe my eyes when WOT said hello, because our previous conversation had been so painful. I'm also easily annoyed and sometimes even wake up that way.

I was angry most of November. I was so irritable every day. I'm told that people can't usually tell that I'm irritable, but I didn't hide it much in November. I was very quiet, I think. When I'm easily annoyed I hew (or try to hew) to "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" as a favor to those around me. When I'm annoyed during a dance lesson (which is not usually because of what's going on in the lesson), I am almost completely silent.

I think it's related to stress, the confusion and depression from the fall, as well as the truth that there have been and are important events happening in our family - No's partner and friend, a man I've known since 1983, Paulo, got married over Thanksgiving weekend, and the preparation and parties for No and KT as well as the wedding itself (39 days to go). Sometimes I can think about what I'm going to say about No at these events coming up and sometimes I have to stop. So it's not all about sadness, because the wedding is a happy thing, just as Pia's having a baby is a happy thing. I avoid thinking about Cal because it just makes me furious, though it made me really sad, too.

I try to focus on superficial things if I'm feeling teary. I can easily throw the day if I allow myself to feel cranky for longer than ten minutes, so I try to pull myself out of the cranky fit by listening to music on the radio. I'm waiting to feel normal, and I don't know how long that is going to take, or what it's going to take to feel normal.