Sunday, June 22, 2008

Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement*

* The Princess Bride. The book is even funnier than the movie.

I was not one of those girls who planned her wedding. I never could envision myself in the white dress and the church, and in fact I remember telling Shmeen when I was in eighth grade that I would just live with a man forever rather than get married. When I came out as a lesbian, I thought maybe my lack of desire for a wedding and marriage was because of the fact that a man had to be involved.

Of course, I wound up not being a lesbian, and now a man doesn't have to be involved in a marriage, if a woman prefers a woman as her spouse.

Ten years ago I didn't understand what the big whoop was about gay marriage. Until May or June of 2002, I didn't care about marriage, and then I knew if it was to Zirpu, it was something I wanted. A lot. Davetoe told me one time that he wouldn't want to get married until everyone had the legal right to get married, but I know now (and probably knew then) that his statement was really about his not wanting to get married ever, but rather than saying so he attached it to something impossible, the way one says "when pigs fly."

Hey, what was that? Was that a bird? Did you hear an "oink"?

Now that I am married, though, I get it. I understand why marriage is important, why it's different from not being married, even if you are shacked up for 27 years. The car wreck a few months after we got married has something to do with that. It felt different to me to say to someone I needed to call my husband, as opposed to my boyfriend, my partner, my significant other. There was the feeling that my husband would always have my back, would drop everything to get out to Fresno as quickly as possible and take me home. In our wedding we said we were ready to take on the responsibility of our love, and this definitely fell under that purview.

We have been extraordinarily lucky. I shouldn't speak for Zirpu but when I hear people say "Marriage is work," I think to myself that we haven't had to work that hard. I think this is because we have mostly the same values and don't have kids upon whose raising we might disagree. We know how to allow for each other's idiosyncrasies. Also, I'm married to the best man in the world. [big grin]

There should always be room for love in the world. No one is made better by making someone else worse. There should more and more of these wedding photos and more and more of these weddings.

Do you believe in love? I do!

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