My Body Remembers

It was a year ago Tuesday that I left my last (paid) job.


I told myself at the time that things would turn out for the best, and they have, now. It is not easy to take the long view when I can't see the road ahead, let alone whether it is rocky and steep. I had times when I just had to tell myself to believe "Everything will be okay" even when I felt really awful.


This week I've been stressed out, sore, and tired. I know I'm tired because I haven't been eating properly (you know what I had for lunch today? Candy!) and I've been working hard at work: We've been short at least one person four days this week and Thursday mornings are brutal when I go to bed so late on Wednesday nights. I'm sore because my left shoulder has a big knot in it, tying up the trapezium all the way to my ear. I don't know why I'm stressed out, though. Not having enough volunteers is nothing in comparison to processing hundreds of loans in a week, or listening for the pager in my sleep, and I get to run around and drive the van to the quiet of the warehouse every day.


I'm not aware that I'm stressed and can't think of what it would be, though Zirpu points out that he is under a lot of pressure so maybe it is rubbing off on me. I've had some experience with Rosen Method bodywork and I believe that my body "holds" difficult situations the same way my mind does. I've known that I have this reaction to anniversaries for years, and I still don't know how to handle what my body does with them. Last June was a tough, tough month, so it could be that last June is backing up on me, even though in this moment everything is okay.