Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Self Care
Before I first started working at Harry's Mother, my first social-work job, one of the questions in the interview was, "How do you take care of yourself?" I'd never been asked that before, and I was young and hadn't really thought about how the environment and the people around me could affect my emotional state. So I pulled my answer out of the air: "Spend time with friends and talk; eat; read books; and get enough sleep." My prospective boss didn't correct my answer - in fact, she probably wanted me to think about it ahead of time, rather than there being a right answer, and this is what I've been using as my standard prescription for self-care, when asked.
Over the last couple of days I have been having experiences that have made me aware that I don't do good self care when I'm in the moment. I am getting better about just removing myself from the situation where people around me are irritating me at work, whether it's their fault or mine. I find work to do in the back room if it's a client, or I walk out the door and either walk up the street or hang out in the back lot if it's a volunteer.
What I don't do well is think about how I can make a bad situation better for myself if I can't remove myself, or, which happens more often, I forget that I can. This usually happens when I feel like I am in charge. I usually forget that I can often turn things over to someone else. Last night I didn't think I would be able to effectively facilitate the group, and it never occurred to me to call another facilitator and ask if she was available to come and do it instead. Though this is probably because my experience is that I'm the only one who says "yes" to last minute substitutions, which in itself is something for me to think about.
Maybe now that I recognize this I will be able to catch myself in it, though honestly I doubt it, mostly because I think I've realized this before - it feels very familiar.
I have definitely been having "Always Learning" experiences this week. Sigh.
Over the last couple of days I have been having experiences that have made me aware that I don't do good self care when I'm in the moment. I am getting better about just removing myself from the situation where people around me are irritating me at work, whether it's their fault or mine. I find work to do in the back room if it's a client, or I walk out the door and either walk up the street or hang out in the back lot if it's a volunteer.
What I don't do well is think about how I can make a bad situation better for myself if I can't remove myself, or, which happens more often, I forget that I can. This usually happens when I feel like I am in charge. I usually forget that I can often turn things over to someone else. Last night I didn't think I would be able to effectively facilitate the group, and it never occurred to me to call another facilitator and ask if she was available to come and do it instead. Though this is probably because my experience is that I'm the only one who says "yes" to last minute substitutions, which in itself is something for me to think about.
Maybe now that I recognize this I will be able to catch myself in it, though honestly I doubt it, mostly because I think I've realized this before - it feels very familiar.
I have definitely been having "Always Learning" experiences this week. Sigh.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Planning to Commit
In May of 2002, Zirpu and I had been dating for about eight months. He was living in a 400sf apartment that was too small for all of his stuff (namely, big furniture, a Bowflex, and an exercise bike, plus many books and a couple of computers) on the west side of the San Mateo Bridge. I was living in an Oakland house with a 14-bit modem and which was located in an area without much cell phone service.
One afternoon I broached a very scary topic: Our moving in together. Zirpu had concerns about living together that didn't have anything to do with me, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to live with anyone. At the same time, we wanted to be together all the time, and dating involved a lot of driving for both of us, with me spending whole weekends down on the peninsula. Mostly I remember that I worked really hard to just listen to what Zirpu had to say and then think of my response, rather than listen and think at the same time.
At the end of that conversation we agreed that we would talk about it again in January 2003 and see if we both wanted to live together, and perhaps start sharing living space a few months after that. Whew! We were done with that conversation, but we both knew where the other stood: "Yes, right now it seems that living together would be good, but I'm not ready right now."
We all know what happens to plans. In September we were engaged and moving into an apartment halfway between my job and his.
You can't resist it
When it happens to you
One afternoon I broached a very scary topic: Our moving in together. Zirpu had concerns about living together that didn't have anything to do with me, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to live with anyone. At the same time, we wanted to be together all the time, and dating involved a lot of driving for both of us, with me spending whole weekends down on the peninsula. Mostly I remember that I worked really hard to just listen to what Zirpu had to say and then think of my response, rather than listen and think at the same time.
At the end of that conversation we agreed that we would talk about it again in January 2003 and see if we both wanted to live together, and perhaps start sharing living space a few months after that. Whew! We were done with that conversation, but we both knew where the other stood: "Yes, right now it seems that living together would be good, but I'm not ready right now."
We all know what happens to plans. In September we were engaged and moving into an apartment halfway between my job and his.
You can't resist it
When it happens to you
Sunday, June 14, 2009
And Earth Is Ablaze / And Ocean Aglow
Someone I know in the wedding business told a story about a bride who had finally realized that she was getting too wound up about every uncontrollable detail of the wedding: The weather, a baby crying during the ceremony, what if the limo got a flat tire? As the wedding approached, someone else involved in the wedding plans received an email from this bride asking if the wedding site's event planner could please arrange for a pod of Orcas and dolphins to swim by at the end of the ceremony? It took a minute, but that this request was a joke did dawn on everyone.
Bink and Mr. Bink got married about six months before Zirpu and I did, in a beautiful back yard on an island in Washington State. It was a large wedding party, with seven attendants on each side - my impression was that Mr. Bink was attended by his former crew teammates, while Bink was attended by women who had been or would be part of her life for many years.
Bink had asked me to read something during the ceremony, but I didn't have a copy of the William Jay Smith poem until Zirpu and I arrived. We had taken a ferry to the island and booked a room in an inn "downtown"; during the afternoon before the wedding I sat on the balcony overlooking the Sound and quick-memorized the words. This is a technique I use that only holds the words in my head for a few hours, but it would allow me to look up and out at the gathered folks while reading.
"Now touch the air softly,
Step gently, One, two. . .
I'll love you till roses are robin's-egg blue;
I'll love you till gravel
Is eaten for bread,
And lemons are orange,
And lavender's red."
Though it was late September, the day was as warm as midsummer, a lot warmer than any of us off-islanders had expected. Bink had jokingly said that she hoped a rainbow would appear over the wedding, but it was a clear day with only a few white clouds in the sky. Immediately after the ceremony, the minister asked all of us guests to remain seated as the photographer wanted to get some photos of the wedding party standing on the deck behind us (so they would be facing the water as well). We all watched as the newlyweds and their friends walked up the aisle to the deck and while the photographer got everyone placed.
I heard a mutter and then another, and looked out toward the water. The timing couldn't have been better: Not only was it after the ceremony, but it was at the moment when the newlyweds were facing the water. Not a rainbow, as Bink had joked about, but a pod of Orcas was swimming through the nearby channel.
Bink and Mr. Bink got married about six months before Zirpu and I did, in a beautiful back yard on an island in Washington State. It was a large wedding party, with seven attendants on each side - my impression was that Mr. Bink was attended by his former crew teammates, while Bink was attended by women who had been or would be part of her life for many years.Bink had asked me to read something during the ceremony, but I didn't have a copy of the William Jay Smith poem until Zirpu and I arrived. We had taken a ferry to the island and booked a room in an inn "downtown"; during the afternoon before the wedding I sat on the balcony overlooking the Sound and quick-memorized the words. This is a technique I use that only holds the words in my head for a few hours, but it would allow me to look up and out at the gathered folks while reading.
"Now touch the air softly,
Step gently, One, two. . .
I'll love you till roses are robin's-egg blue;
I'll love you till gravel
Is eaten for bread,
And lemons are orange,
And lavender's red."
Though it was late September, the day was as warm as midsummer, a lot warmer than any of us off-islanders had expected. Bink had jokingly said that she hoped a rainbow would appear over the wedding, but it was a clear day with only a few white clouds in the sky. Immediately after the ceremony, the minister asked all of us guests to remain seated as the photographer wanted to get some photos of the wedding party standing on the deck behind us (so they would be facing the water as well). We all watched as the newlyweds and their friends walked up the aisle to the deck and while the photographer got everyone placed.
I heard a mutter and then another, and looked out toward the water. The timing couldn't have been better: Not only was it after the ceremony, but it was at the moment when the newlyweds were facing the water. Not a rainbow, as Bink had joked about, but a pod of Orcas was swimming through the nearby channel.
Monday, November 10, 2008
The Missy Mommies
When I was growing up, all the kids in the neighborhood spent almost as much time in each other's homes as we did in our own. I've listed before the different attractions different houses offered. We had a lot of sleepovers at each other's houses too, sometimes on school nights. I remember late-summer nights of sleeping out in the W's yard, and one in particular when Eri and I swung on the swings for hours as the sun went down and the sky turned to purple and black.
Sometimes one or another of us would be overcome with wanting to be at home. I only remember this happening at J Jump Joyful's or DeeKay's house, probably because I don't remember my mom loving anyone as much as she loved me, except - maybe - No. We'd go to bed, and whoever's mom would come in to say good night and turn off the lights. Somehow, one of us would tell the mom she was sad, or wanted to be at home. The mom would sit on the bed and rub the kid's back, speaking in a quiet voice about having "the missy mommies" and how that was okay, you would see your mom in the morning but now it was time for sleep and in the morning we would have breakfast and you would go home and Mom would be there for you just like always...
The lulling voice and the back rub would relax you so much that you could snuggle into your pillow and hear the other kids' breathing and when the mom got up and left the door a little ajar so the hall light would make a slice on the floor and you knew that this was an okay place to sleep.
Sometimes one or another of us would be overcome with wanting to be at home. I only remember this happening at J Jump Joyful's or DeeKay's house, probably because I don't remember my mom loving anyone as much as she loved me, except - maybe - No. We'd go to bed, and whoever's mom would come in to say good night and turn off the lights. Somehow, one of us would tell the mom she was sad, or wanted to be at home. The mom would sit on the bed and rub the kid's back, speaking in a quiet voice about having "the missy mommies" and how that was okay, you would see your mom in the morning but now it was time for sleep and in the morning we would have breakfast and you would go home and Mom would be there for you just like always...
The lulling voice and the back rub would relax you so much that you could snuggle into your pillow and hear the other kids' breathing and when the mom got up and left the door a little ajar so the hall light would make a slice on the floor and you knew that this was an okay place to sleep.
Friday, November 7, 2008
To Me, They're Still Married
These are the beautiful happy faces of two people who deserve more than separate-but-equal. Their love is real, and so is their marriage. So are the marriages of the 18,000 other same-sex couples who've gotten married in the last five months.
I'm too angry about Prop. 8 passing to write much about it yet.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Personal IS Political, and Love! Love! Love!
I'd like to think everyone I know is in favor of love and opposed to Measure 8 and other "Defense of Marriage" Act-type laws. I understood why the doctrine of "separate but equal" is wrong, but not what was so "right" about being married. Then I knew I wanted to marry Zirpu and I understood why being married is so important.
I recently received this wedding announcement from two dear friends of mine, announcing their act of "civil obedience." They have given permission for me to post this beautiful letter. Hooray for love!
I recently received this wedding announcement from two dear friends of mine, announcing their act of "civil obedience." They have given permission for me to post this beautiful letter. Hooray for love!
+++ +++ +++
Greetings,
It seems suddenly the personal has become very political, in my life. This is an unusual wedding announcement, because I'm sending it to everyone I can think of, not just family and close friends, and not even just those who recall how they know me (although I hope all of you do!) I'm delighted to announce that Michelle Greenberg, my partner of four years, and I will be getting legally married here in San Francisco (I know, we live in Oakland, but SF City Hall is MUCH prettier) this coming month. This announcement is also unusual because it's not to invite you all to the ceremony -- they only allow six attendees -- or to try to get you to send gifts. Please don't send gifts, really!!
The purpose of this announcement is to tell you how much it means to us to be able to get married, legally, as we contemplate trying to create a family together, and spending our lives together, as the life of a married couple.
Most of you are aware there's a ballot measure here in California that is trying to make unconstitutional the marriage of couples who are of the same gender. Yes, Michelle and I are the same gender. Please think of us at the polls, because for every same-sex couple out there waiting to arrive at the moment when they know their love is forever, there are two sets of wonderful, loving family, friends and acquaintances just like all of you, who can offer them their support in assuring that this right be preserved for us all to find the love of our lives and make solemn and legal the commitment we make to each other, to our communities, and to our families. Please share our story with your friends, family and acquaintances, if you feel so inspired!
For those to whom this reaches a deep, deep place in your hearts, perhaps because you are also affected by this issue, or perhaps because this issue simply speaks deeply to your personal principles, I have included a link to a website of a coalition of organizations, No on Prop 8, where donations can be made to support efforts to defeat this ballot measure. You can go to https://secure.ga4.org/01/equalityforall If you're one of those people that absolutely can't resist sending wedding gifts, consider this the best possible option, in our case!
My home state of Wisconsin passed a similar measure some years back, referred to as a DOMA, or Defense of Marriage Act, as an amendment to its constitution. As a result, I cannot move my family back to the state where my mother lives, and where I grew up, and preserve for my future spouse and our children the rights and protections conceded to us by the current laws of the State of California. I am very grateful to be able to continue my life here in California and enjoy all the rights, and carry all of the responsibilities, of other married people in loving, nurturing families here in this State. I hope someday that Wisconsin's DOMA may be repealed, and I'm sure there will be plenty of people like Michelle and me, living out their lives in Wisconsin, who will continue to fight for that greater justice. Sadly, it is so much harder to undo what has already been done, especially in the sphere of laws. I wish them courage and perseverance. And I pray (yes, pray) we do not to have to go through that ourselves, here in California.
Lastly, I write to simply tell you what great joy it gives me to announce my upcoming marriage to Michelle Hannah Greenberg, daughter of Cheryl and Dave Greenberg of Detroit, MI As far as making a family together, we'll keep you posted.....
with much love in my heart,
Margaret Stevenson
It seems suddenly the personal has become very political, in my life. This is an unusual wedding announcement, because I'm sending it to everyone I can think of, not just family and close friends, and not even just those who recall how they know me (although I hope all of you do!) I'm delighted to announce that Michelle Greenberg, my partner of four years, and I will be getting legally married here in San Francisco (I know, we live in Oakland, but SF City Hall is MUCH prettier) this coming month. This announcement is also unusual because it's not to invite you all to the ceremony -- they only allow six attendees -- or to try to get you to send gifts. Please don't send gifts, really!!
The purpose of this announcement is to tell you how much it means to us to be able to get married, legally, as we contemplate trying to create a family together, and spending our lives together, as the life of a married couple.
Most of you are aware there's a ballot measure here in California that is trying to make unconstitutional the marriage of couples who are of the same gender. Yes, Michelle and I are the same gender. Please think of us at the polls, because for every same-sex couple out there waiting to arrive at the moment when they know their love is forever, there are two sets of wonderful, loving family, friends and acquaintances just like all of you, who can offer them their support in assuring that this right be preserved for us all to find the love of our lives and make solemn and legal the commitment we make to each other, to our communities, and to our families. Please share our story with your friends, family and acquaintances, if you feel so inspired!
For those to whom this reaches a deep, deep place in your hearts, perhaps because you are also affected by this issue, or perhaps because this issue simply speaks deeply to your personal principles, I have included a link to a website of a coalition of organizations, No on Prop 8, where donations can be made to support efforts to defeat this ballot measure. You can go to https://secure.ga4.org/01/equalityforall If you're one of those people that absolutely can't resist sending wedding gifts, consider this the best possible option, in our case!
My home state of Wisconsin passed a similar measure some years back, referred to as a DOMA, or Defense of Marriage Act, as an amendment to its constitution. As a result, I cannot move my family back to the state where my mother lives, and where I grew up, and preserve for my future spouse and our children the rights and protections conceded to us by the current laws of the State of California. I am very grateful to be able to continue my life here in California and enjoy all the rights, and carry all of the responsibilities, of other married people in loving, nurturing families here in this State. I hope someday that Wisconsin's DOMA may be repealed, and I'm sure there will be plenty of people like Michelle and me, living out their lives in Wisconsin, who will continue to fight for that greater justice. Sadly, it is so much harder to undo what has already been done, especially in the sphere of laws. I wish them courage and perseverance. And I pray (yes, pray) we do not to have to go through that ourselves, here in California.
Lastly, I write to simply tell you what great joy it gives me to announce my upcoming marriage to Michelle Hannah Greenberg, daughter of Cheryl and Dave Greenberg of Detroit, MI As far as making a family together, we'll keep you posted.....
with much love in my heart,
Margaret Stevenson
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Bi The Way - Assume Nothing
The other night at the Bi Women's Group we all told our coming out stories to each other. Everyone's story is different and yet components are the same. The resonance each of us feels when we hear someone else say, "I just thought she was so cool! I didn't know that I liked girls 'that way,' but I knew... It was in the back of my head, but I ignored it..."
My coming out as bi was initially because of politics. At the time I said to not claim being bi would be the same as denying that the love I'd felt for either Denver D or for Shobi-wan wasn't real, and that wasn't right. But because I'd gotten involved with Odyssey's diversity training and questioned that we presented homosexuality but not bisexuality, I was selected to present that view [this was part of the name it, claim it volunteerism at Odyssey]. So the first time I really came out as bi, I came out to thirty or forty staff members, and the second time to another 75 teenagers.
After all these years, I'm still primarily politically bi. I identify as bisexual because it is who I am. I know that I appear to be straight, living the life I do married to a man, so I'm always on guard that people are going to question my marriage because of the stereotypes they hold about bisexual people. That makes me afraid to come out sometimes. Say what you like about me, but don't lecture me on my marriage and don't say word ONE about my husband. I should add though that in all the years I've been coming out as bi, I've never had to say that to anyone.
That makes me glad. And it's always nice to hear parts of my story in other people's lives, and parts of theirs in mine.
My coming out as bi was initially because of politics. At the time I said to not claim being bi would be the same as denying that the love I'd felt for either Denver D or for Shobi-wan wasn't real, and that wasn't right. But because I'd gotten involved with Odyssey's diversity training and questioned that we presented homosexuality but not bisexuality, I was selected to present that view [this was part of the name it, claim it volunteerism at Odyssey]. So the first time I really came out as bi, I came out to thirty or forty staff members, and the second time to another 75 teenagers.
After all these years, I'm still primarily politically bi. I identify as bisexual because it is who I am. I know that I appear to be straight, living the life I do married to a man, so I'm always on guard that people are going to question my marriage because of the stereotypes they hold about bisexual people. That makes me afraid to come out sometimes. Say what you like about me, but don't lecture me on my marriage and don't say word ONE about my husband. I should add though that in all the years I've been coming out as bi, I've never had to say that to anyone.
That makes me glad. And it's always nice to hear parts of my story in other people's lives, and parts of theirs in mine.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement*
* The Princess Bride. The book is even funnier than the movie.
I was not one of those girls who planned her wedding. I never could envision myself in the white dress and the church, and in fact I remember telling Shmeen when I was in eighth grade that I would just live with a man forever rather than get married. When I came out as a lesbian, I thought maybe my lack of desire for a wedding and marriage was because of the fact that a man had to be involved.
Of course, I wound up not being a lesbian, and now a man doesn't have to be involved in a marriage, if a woman prefers a woman as her spouse.
Ten years ago I didn't understand what the big whoop was about gay marriage. Until May or June of 2002, I didn't care about marriage, and then I knew if it was to Zirpu, it was something I wanted. A lot. Davetoe told me one time that he wouldn't want to get married until everyone had the legal right to get married, but I know now (and probably knew then) that his statement was really about his not wanting to get married ever, but rather than saying so he attached it to something impossible, the way one says "when pigs fly."
Hey, what was that? Was that a bird? Did you hear an "oink"?
Now that I am married, though, I get it. I understand why marriage is important, why it's different from not being married, even if you are shacked up for 27 years. The car wreck a few months after we got married has something to do with that. It felt different to me to say to someone I needed to call my husband, as opposed to my boyfriend, my partner, my significant other. There was the feeling that my husband would always have my back, would drop everything to get out to Fresno as quickly as possible and take me home. In our wedding we said we were ready to take on the responsibility of our love, and this definitely fell under that purview.
We have been extraordinarily lucky. I shouldn't speak for Zirpu but when I hear people say "Marriage is work," I think to myself that we haven't had to work that hard. I think this is because we have mostly the same values and don't have kids upon whose raising we might disagree. We know how to allow for each other's idiosyncrasies. Also, I'm married to the best man in the world. [big grin]
There should always be room for love in the world. No one is made better by making someone else worse. There should more and more of these wedding photos and more and more of these weddings.
Do you believe in love? I do!
I was not one of those girls who planned her wedding. I never could envision myself in the white dress and the church, and in fact I remember telling Shmeen when I was in eighth grade that I would just live with a man forever rather than get married. When I came out as a lesbian, I thought maybe my lack of desire for a wedding and marriage was because of the fact that a man had to be involved.
Of course, I wound up not being a lesbian, and now a man doesn't have to be involved in a marriage, if a woman prefers a woman as her spouse.
Ten years ago I didn't understand what the big whoop was about gay marriage. Until May or June of 2002, I didn't care about marriage, and then I knew if it was to Zirpu, it was something I wanted. A lot. Davetoe told me one time that he wouldn't want to get married until everyone had the legal right to get married, but I know now (and probably knew then) that his statement was really about his not wanting to get married ever, but rather than saying so he attached it to something impossible, the way one says "when pigs fly."
Hey, what was that? Was that a bird? Did you hear an "oink"?
Now that I am married, though, I get it. I understand why marriage is important, why it's different from not being married, even if you are shacked up for 27 years. The car wreck a few months after we got married has something to do with that. It felt different to me to say to someone I needed to call my husband, as opposed to my boyfriend, my partner, my significant other. There was the feeling that my husband would always have my back, would drop everything to get out to Fresno as quickly as possible and take me home. In our wedding we said we were ready to take on the responsibility of our love, and this definitely fell under that purview.
We have been extraordinarily lucky. I shouldn't speak for Zirpu but when I hear people say "Marriage is work," I think to myself that we haven't had to work that hard. I think this is because we have mostly the same values and don't have kids upon whose raising we might disagree. We know how to allow for each other's idiosyncrasies. Also, I'm married to the best man in the world. [big grin]
There should always be room for love in the world. No one is made better by making someone else worse. There should more and more of these wedding photos and more and more of these weddings.
Do you believe in love? I do!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A Poem A Day, Week Four Plus Two Days
Welcome to the end of National Poetry Month! I wound up reading hundreds of poems, I'd say at least three hundred, in this project of reading "one a day." Made me kind of miss being an English major, sitting in a classroom discussing them.
Living In The Body - Joyce Sutpen (Tuesday)
Maybe because I'm almost almost forty or because of dance and working out at the gym - which was a direct result of the car wreck - I'm much more attached to my body than I ever used to be.
The Iceberg Theory - Gerald Locklin (Wednesday)
Truth be told, iceberg is the only lettuce I really like. I've only met one other adult who will admit to liking it; a lot of people I know profess to hate it. Water, fiber, crunch: What's not to like?
The Walloping Window-Blind - Charles Edward Carryl (Thursday)
I've never seen this poem before. It sounds like Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky, including the made-up words. What fun!
The Jabberwocky - Lewis Carroll (Friday)
When I was in eighth grade I played the Mock Turtle in a version of Alice In Wonderland that traveled from school to school. We might do two performances a day, sometimes on a stage and sometimes at one end of a classroom (one time we performed in a space that was eight feet long and six feet wide). At the end we performed this poem, reciting in unison and acting it out. In my Mock Turtle costume, I was part of the beast.
Sweater Weather: A Love Song to Language - Sharon Bryan (Saturday)
Another silly word poem.
Romeo And Juliet, Act II, Scene iii -William Shakespeare (Sunday)
Specifically the speech in which Juliet dreams about having sex with her new husband just before learning Romeo has been banished for murdering Tybalt. My favorite lines are
Whew!
Filling Station - Elizabeth Bishop (Monday)
While there are never any people around, this poem makes me think somehow of the gas pumps in front of the general store in Twin Lakes, Colorado.
The Snow Man - Wallace Stevens (Tuesday)
My Norton's calls Wallace "a third great imaginative force" since the deaths of Yeats and Eliot. I think I need more education, or at least more immersion, before I will be able to understand his poetry.
Tulip Field, MacLean Road, Skagit Valley - Sam Green (Wednesday)
Bink suggested I check out Washington State's Poet Laureate, who lives on an island neighboring her island. This is the only poem of his I could find online, and it makes me wish that I had had an interest is looking at flowers when I lived in the state.
Living In The Body - Joyce Sutpen (Tuesday)
Maybe because I'm almost almost forty or because of dance and working out at the gym - which was a direct result of the car wreck - I'm much more attached to my body than I ever used to be.
The Iceberg Theory - Gerald Locklin (Wednesday)
Truth be told, iceberg is the only lettuce I really like. I've only met one other adult who will admit to liking it; a lot of people I know profess to hate it. Water, fiber, crunch: What's not to like?
The Walloping Window-Blind - Charles Edward Carryl (Thursday)
I've never seen this poem before. It sounds like Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky, including the made-up words. What fun!
The Jabberwocky - Lewis Carroll (Friday)
When I was in eighth grade I played the Mock Turtle in a version of Alice In Wonderland that traveled from school to school. We might do two performances a day, sometimes on a stage and sometimes at one end of a classroom (one time we performed in a space that was eight feet long and six feet wide). At the end we performed this poem, reciting in unison and acting it out. In my Mock Turtle costume, I was part of the beast.
Sweater Weather: A Love Song to Language - Sharon Bryan (Saturday)
Another silly word poem.
Romeo And Juliet, Act II, Scene iii -William Shakespeare (Sunday)
Specifically the speech in which Juliet dreams about having sex with her new husband just before learning Romeo has been banished for murdering Tybalt. My favorite lines are
O, I have bought the mansion of a love,
But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold,
Not yet enjoy'd. . .
Whew!
Filling Station - Elizabeth Bishop (Monday)
While there are never any people around, this poem makes me think somehow of the gas pumps in front of the general store in Twin Lakes, Colorado.
The Snow Man - Wallace Stevens (Tuesday)
My Norton's calls Wallace "a third great imaginative force" since the deaths of Yeats and Eliot. I think I need more education, or at least more immersion, before I will be able to understand his poetry.
Tulip Field, MacLean Road, Skagit Valley - Sam Green (Wednesday)
Bink suggested I check out Washington State's Poet Laureate, who lives on an island neighboring her island. This is the only poem of his I could find online, and it makes me wish that I had had an interest is looking at flowers when I lived in the state.
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Six Word Memoir
Have you heard about The Six Word Memoir? Mrs. P., the most voracious reader I know, mentioned it, probably because she's noticed how many memoirs have been turning up on my list of read books. She is a high school English and drama teacher, so she asked her students to write their six word memoirs. Then she asked her sixth grade son. And her parents. For all I know, she's asked the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker to do it too.
Of course I made my own attempts. This exercise reminded me a lot of the assignments in fourth grade to write haikus, counting out syllables on my fingers. It reminded me so much of that, in fact, that I had to remind myself not to count a words like "accidents" or "doesn't" by their syllables.
What I found hard about it were things that were true about me and my experiences, but that I didn't want that to be the whole story I tell of my life. The first thing that came to mind was "I learned: Love doesn't conquer all." Well, that's true, but my life hasn't mainly been about disappointment in love (if I were 20, or 26, maybe). So what has it been about?
To elaborate (in six-words):
College decision made in grocery line.
Fell in love with best friend.
Harry's Mother downstairs, Yellow Brick Road upstairs (I know that's seven, but I can't call it "YBR" here).
Too many men, joined bi group.
Zirpu was Craigslist Bachelor Number Eight.
Started financial aid when college desperate.
Took up dancing on a whim.
Car accident in Fresno literally accident.
Googled food bank, selected wrong one.
Of course I made my own attempts. This exercise reminded me a lot of the assignments in fourth grade to write haikus, counting out syllables on my fingers. It reminded me so much of that, in fact, that I had to remind myself not to count a words like "accidents" or "doesn't" by their syllables.
What I found hard about it were things that were true about me and my experiences, but that I didn't want that to be the whole story I tell of my life. The first thing that came to mind was "I learned: Love doesn't conquer all." Well, that's true, but my life hasn't mainly been about disappointment in love (if I were 20, or 26, maybe). So what has it been about?
All my turning points were accidents.
To elaborate (in six-words):
College decision made in grocery line.
Fell in love with best friend.
Harry's Mother downstairs, Yellow Brick Road upstairs (I know that's seven, but I can't call it "YBR" here).
Too many men, joined bi group.
Zirpu was Craigslist Bachelor Number Eight.
Started financial aid when college desperate.
Took up dancing on a whim.
Car accident in Fresno literally accident.
Googled food bank, selected wrong one.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Old, New, Borrowed, Blue
I do not think I'm a very traditional person, so I was surprised when I found myself really wanting "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" to wear for our wedding. I knew these were good luck charms and rooted in a time when weddings marked the transfer of property from one man to another. Though there seems to be some differing opinions on what these trinkets stand for, to my mind "something old" symbolized the old tradition of the marriage ritual; "something new," the newness of this particular marriage; "something borrowed," because it would be borrowed from someone who had been married for a long time, symbolized "the long haul"; and "something blue" for luck.
My aunt brought a four-strand pearl necklace that she inherited from her mother-in-law for me to wear for the wedding. My "bouquet," a ribbon-wrapped heart with purple and white flowers, was new, made that day, in fact. My mom's 49er-season-ticket-holder friend loaned me a pair of dangling pearl earrings. I had purchased some blue underwear for the wedding day, and when the photographer came to the house I realized that she couldn't set a pair of undies in a photograph!
Fortunately I had in my little jewelry carrying case a small pearl and blue bead bracelet that Bink had given me when I gave a reading in her wedding a few months before. I hadn't meant to bring it, but had never taken it out after returning from Washington. It made me even happier that I had this small thing from the recent wedding of a close friend, that fit perfectly into the little rhyme I didn't know I cared about until it was time to care about it.
My aunt brought a four-strand pearl necklace that she inherited from her mother-in-law for me to wear for the wedding. My "bouquet," a ribbon-wrapped heart with purple and white flowers, was new, made that day, in fact. My mom's 49er-season-ticket-holder friend loaned me a pair of dangling pearl earrings. I had purchased some blue underwear for the wedding day, and when the photographer came to the house I realized that she couldn't set a pair of undies in a photograph!
Fortunately I had in my little jewelry carrying case a small pearl and blue bead bracelet that Bink had given me when I gave a reading in her wedding a few months before. I hadn't meant to bring it, but had never taken it out after returning from Washington. It made me even happier that I had this small thing from the recent wedding of a close friend, that fit perfectly into the little rhyme I didn't know I cared about until it was time to care about it.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Who's The Song About?
Last night Zirpu and I went to see Miz Jinkins sing. It's the first time she's sung in public since before the baby came and since we were invited, we went to support her return to the rock 'n' roll lifestyle (though Zirpu pointed out that it's really more like the folkie lifestyle). The last song she sang was about a time in her life when she was "a shadow of herself" and was resistant to falling in love. In the chorus she tells Love to go away, she "can't play with you." I found myself wondering if the song was about the period during which she was falling in love with her husband, whom I've known much longer than I've known Miz Jinkins.
I've written just one song, though I wrote a lot of poetry, some of it not half-bad, in writing classes in college. The Killer Lady and I were at the Cabin before Cabinstock in 1996 sitting on the rock looking over Lake Creek. I don't remember if we were talking or just reclining in the sun quietly, but I must have gotten teary about Phil not being there with us (this was just four years after he'd died, and that pain still freshens when I'm at the Cabin without him). The Killer Lady went inside and brought us both whiskey and waters in coffee mugs. I don't drink whiskey but somehow it fit the occasion. I sipped, and this came out as a song about people I knew. Later Kid Paully added the music notations.
I've written just one song, though I wrote a lot of poetry, some of it not half-bad, in writing classes in college. The Killer Lady and I were at the Cabin before Cabinstock in 1996 sitting on the rock looking over Lake Creek. I don't remember if we were talking or just reclining in the sun quietly, but I must have gotten teary about Phil not being there with us (this was just four years after he'd died, and that pain still freshens when I'm at the Cabin without him). The Killer Lady went inside and brought us both whiskey and waters in coffee mugs. I don't drink whiskey but somehow it fit the occasion. I sipped, and this came out as a song about people I knew. Later Kid Paully added the music notations.Whiskey In The Afternoon
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Sittin' on a rock overlooking the river
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
Time moves differently in Colorado
And the all seem to be here at once
There's people I haven't seen before
Maybe they'll be lovers in a few years more
I'm sittin' here thinkin' 'bout a younger me
And all the things I did right and wrong
Together the right length of time and
The times I left early or stayed too long
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Sittin' on a rock overlooking the river
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
The river rushes them somewhere
Prob'ly down to the Colorado River
Carrying them on to other lives and lovers
Columbines and the aspens wave goodbye
But you know they didn't need to hurry
Now I'm out on this rock all alone
I'm drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Sittin' on a rock overlooking the river
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Sittin' on a rock overlooking the river
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
Time moves differently in Colorado
And the all seem to be here at once
There's people I haven't seen before
Maybe they'll be lovers in a few years more
I'm sittin' here thinkin' 'bout a younger me
And all the things I did right and wrong
Together the right length of time and
The times I left early or stayed too long
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Sittin' on a rock overlooking the river
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
The river rushes them somewhere
Prob'ly down to the Colorado River
Carrying them on to other lives and lovers
Columbines and the aspens wave goodbye
But you know they didn't need to hurry
Now I'm out on this rock all alone
I'm drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Sittin' on a rock overlooking the river
Drinkin' whiskey in the afternoon
Watchin' clouds, thinkin' 'bout old lovers
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Behind The List, Part Two
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Yep, still married to him.
69. Toured ancient sites
When Mom and I went to Paris, we went under the plaza in front of Notre Dame where they were excavating an ancient Gaul village that had been found when a bank was trying to build a vault. That blew my mind.
72. Gotten married
See #68.
I've been shacked up with a couple people too. But I knew when getting married was the right thing to do.
73. Been in a movie
'68. A terrible film I have had the privilege of seeing three times. I was an extra and spent the day in Golden Gate Park dressed like a hippie and dancing to John Cippolina. The movie is unbelievably awful, but not because of me.
77. Made cookies from scratch
But they always suck. I can't even get the famous Mrs. Field's recipe to come out right. I am, however, good at my mom's brownies.
84. Performed on stage
I played Hattie in the aforementioned Laundry and Bourbon. The first sound was my cue to both enter and speak. From backstage I was allowed to ring the doorbell that would start the action. On opening night I saw the slashes of bright lights through the windows in the set, took a deep breath, moved into character, and pushed the doorbell.
85. Been to Las Vegas
I've only been there with Zirpu. The first time we went, not long after we started dating, the person at the check-in counter looked at my ID and asked if my last name would be the same when I came back.
88. Kissed on the first date
However, not Zirpu.
90. Bought a house
We had looked at or driven by over 100 houses, but when we walked into this one, we knew it was the one we wanted. There was a big family room in the back part of the house, and we both immediately thought, "Ballroom!"
92. Buried one/both of your parents
Dad died of cancer in March of 1974. He wasn't buried; Mom scattered his ashes over Half Moon Bay.
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
When Shobi-wan graduated we moved to Portland. It took me a long time to find a job, the first one of which was in a health insurance company. After a few months, the publishing company I'd really wanted to work for called me because the person they'd hired over me had been arrested for stealing credit card numbers when she was taking book orders over the phone.
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
I must have done this. . . haven't I?
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
July 30, 2003
110. Broken someone’s heart
But a piece of my heart broke off too.
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
If the football field at my college is "the wild", yes.
118. Ridden a horse
When we went up to Tahoe in the summer with DeeKay's family, often we would go on a horseback ride at one of those places where you ride a horse on mountain paths. I liked that, but when No and I went to Camp Beaverbrook I liked my Western horse-riding boots much better than I liked riding the horses. I remember that all of the kids in camp dreaded "getting stuck with" one particularly stubborn horse.
127. Eaten sushi
I first had sushi in junior high school when Mom and I went to Fuki-Ya in Japantown. I don't remember what No did on those nights, but it was our time to hang out together. I don't even remember much about those evenings except that they were "our time."
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
Recently, because of a feature on the food bank's new digs and the Food Bank Director and I were both in the shot. My favorite one, though, is the year Shobi-wan and I marched in the Pride Parade in Portland and a photo from above of the Gay and Lesbian Chorus was on the front page of the Oregonian. I knew we had marched ahead of them in that parade and found us in the photo, even though we were small!
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
I started to read The Odyssey after seeing O Brother, Where Art Thou? I hate to say I couldn't get through it so it's still on my list of "Classics I Should Read."
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
I read Giovanni's Room after I graduated from college. I found it full of self-loathing and so I didn't like it. Of course, I may have to read it again, but I think I will read James Baldwin's other books first. I read Giovanni's Room because that was the book from which Baldwin read for Calliope Records, a short-lived company my father had in the early 1960s recording authors reading from their own works onto 45's.
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
I do this at the food bank often. In fact, I talk to people who speak Vietnamese, Cantonese, Korean, and an African dialect on a regular basis. Whenever I have a conversation with someone in Spanish, I start with "Mi espanol no esta muy bueno" and afterwards thank my 10th and 11th grade Spanish teacher, Sr. Crossley, wherever he is. You get a long, long way with good will and sound effects.
146. Dyed your hair
I've done red once and pink twice. I've bleached it. I plan to dye it purple before 2008 begins.
148. Shaved your head
JR shaved my head for me about a year and a half ago. It was really cool and I felt so hip! Mom hated it, but Zirpu liked it.
149. Caused a car accident
According to the other driver, I had come into his lane on 280SB on the way to Tanforan Mall when I was a sophomore in college. I had originally tried to merge right and someone moved up into the space I planning to go for. Supposedly I overcorrected and went into the lane on my left. That's the reason I think I know what happened when the person who crashed into my car did so.
Yep, still married to him.
69. Toured ancient sites
When Mom and I went to Paris, we went under the plaza in front of Notre Dame where they were excavating an ancient Gaul village that had been found when a bank was trying to build a vault. That blew my mind.
72. Gotten married
See #68.
I've been shacked up with a couple people too. But I knew when getting married was the right thing to do.
73. Been in a movie
'68. A terrible film I have had the privilege of seeing three times. I was an extra and spent the day in Golden Gate Park dressed like a hippie and dancing to John Cippolina. The movie is unbelievably awful, but not because of me.
77. Made cookies from scratch
But they always suck. I can't even get the famous Mrs. Field's recipe to come out right. I am, however, good at my mom's brownies.
84. Performed on stage
I played Hattie in the aforementioned Laundry and Bourbon. The first sound was my cue to both enter and speak. From backstage I was allowed to ring the doorbell that would start the action. On opening night I saw the slashes of bright lights through the windows in the set, took a deep breath, moved into character, and pushed the doorbell.
85. Been to Las Vegas
I've only been there with Zirpu. The first time we went, not long after we started dating, the person at the check-in counter looked at my ID and asked if my last name would be the same when I came back.
88. Kissed on the first date
However, not Zirpu.
90. Bought a house
We had looked at or driven by over 100 houses, but when we walked into this one, we knew it was the one we wanted. There was a big family room in the back part of the house, and we both immediately thought, "Ballroom!"
92. Buried one/both of your parents
Dad died of cancer in March of 1974. He wasn't buried; Mom scattered his ashes over Half Moon Bay.
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
When Shobi-wan graduated we moved to Portland. It took me a long time to find a job, the first one of which was in a health insurance company. After a few months, the publishing company I'd really wanted to work for called me because the person they'd hired over me had been arrested for stealing credit card numbers when she was taking book orders over the phone.
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
I must have done this. . . haven't I?
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
July 30, 2003
110. Broken someone’s heart
But a piece of my heart broke off too.
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
If the football field at my college is "the wild", yes.
118. Ridden a horse
When we went up to Tahoe in the summer with DeeKay's family, often we would go on a horseback ride at one of those places where you ride a horse on mountain paths. I liked that, but when No and I went to Camp Beaverbrook I liked my Western horse-riding boots much better than I liked riding the horses. I remember that all of the kids in camp dreaded "getting stuck with" one particularly stubborn horse.
127. Eaten sushi
I first had sushi in junior high school when Mom and I went to Fuki-Ya in Japantown. I don't remember what No did on those nights, but it was our time to hang out together. I don't even remember much about those evenings except that they were "our time."
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
Recently, because of a feature on the food bank's new digs and the Food Bank Director and I were both in the shot. My favorite one, though, is the year Shobi-wan and I marched in the Pride Parade in Portland and a photo from above of the Gay and Lesbian Chorus was on the front page of the Oregonian. I knew we had marched ahead of them in that parade and found us in the photo, even though we were small!
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
I started to read The Odyssey after seeing O Brother, Where Art Thou? I hate to say I couldn't get through it so it's still on my list of "Classics I Should Read."
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
I read Giovanni's Room after I graduated from college. I found it full of self-loathing and so I didn't like it. Of course, I may have to read it again, but I think I will read James Baldwin's other books first. I read Giovanni's Room because that was the book from which Baldwin read for Calliope Records, a short-lived company my father had in the early 1960s recording authors reading from their own works onto 45's.
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
I do this at the food bank often. In fact, I talk to people who speak Vietnamese, Cantonese, Korean, and an African dialect on a regular basis. Whenever I have a conversation with someone in Spanish, I start with "Mi espanol no esta muy bueno" and afterwards thank my 10th and 11th grade Spanish teacher, Sr. Crossley, wherever he is. You get a long, long way with good will and sound effects.
146. Dyed your hair
I've done red once and pink twice. I've bleached it. I plan to dye it purple before 2008 begins.
148. Shaved your head
JR shaved my head for me about a year and a half ago. It was really cool and I felt so hip! Mom hated it, but Zirpu liked it.
149. Caused a car accident
According to the other driver, I had come into his lane on 280SB on the way to Tanforan Mall when I was a sophomore in college. I had originally tried to merge right and someone moved up into the space I planning to go for. Supposedly I overcorrected and went into the lane on my left. That's the reason I think I know what happened when the person who crashed into my car did so.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Behind The List, Part One
Surfing around the NaBloPoMo list, I ran across this blog written by a woman who's raising eight kids with her partner. It's kind of a mommy blog on steroids, but not quite - it's a family consisting of eight children and two lesbians, certainly a unique point of view.
Anyway, she posted this list. There's 150 of them, which is too many. I was much more curious about the ones she had done, so I thought I would borrow the idea and expand upon my own answers. However, I think I have to break it across two posts.
03. Climbed a mountain
Does Rocky Road, aka Corona Heights, count? All of us neighborhood kids took summertime classes at the Randall Junior Museum. Sometimes afterwards we walked up the long, eastern side of Rocky Road to its peak to look over the city and the bay toward Oakland.
06. Held a tarantula
I forget if this was part of sixth grade Science Camp or at the Randall Junior Museum, but we all sat in a circle and the tarantula walked across our hands as we held them close to each other, palms up, to make a path for the tarantula.
A college friend of mine was so afraid of spiders that when they made him do this is sixth grade, he freaked out and threw the tarantula across the room.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
When I was a kid, the Coos had some property up in Healdsburg, with a cabin that was basically one big room and a sink that had a hose from the creek. There was an old barn, a great treehouse, and an outhouse. There was also a sauna on a deck attached to the cabin. Inside the sauna was an old bathtub in which we would pour about three inches of icy water from the creek, and we'd sit in the tub when we got too hot (DeeKay, as I've mentioned, never did). One night we were all in the sauna with some older kids (I don't remember who they were, except they were teenagers) and they had brought candles into the sauna with us. They had to keep lighting them because there wasn't enough oxygen for them to burn with all of us kids in that little space.
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
Many times.
09. Hugged a tree
I remember a field trip to see some old-growth redwoods. The ranger had some kids in the class hold hands and circle the tree to see how big around it was. We stretched our arms as much as we could and it still took six or eight of us to wrap ourselves around the tree.
11. Visited Paris
Mom called me in January '96 and said, "Round trip tickets to Paris are $400. Want to go?" I arranged coverage at both my jobs, paid for express mail and express processing for my passport, and we spent a week walking all over Paris. Highlights: The Musee D'Orsay and watching a parade of veterans walking up the Champs Elysee to the Arc d'Triomphe, in which hung the largest flag I've ever seen.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Several times, in different states and different states of mind.
15. Gone to a huge sports game
Mom took No and me to see the Giants play the Cincinnati Reds at Candlestick Park when we were kids. I may have been ten at the most. It was much warmer than we'd expected and we sat on our parkas. I was rooting for the home team, but probably read a book during most of the game.
19. Slept under the stars
I was in college the first time I slept in a tent. In second and third grade we went on class camping trips and slept under the trees. one year he place we camped had three-sided shelters, which coincidentally was the same year it rained and rained. There were a bunch of parents, but many many kids - two classrooms' worth, plus our siblings.
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
I hated babysitting. Not because of diapers so much as because of babies. Weird to think that the four children I babysat are now about 30 years old.
22. Watched a meteor shower
A bunch of us working on Laundry and Bourbon and Lone Star in the summer of 1990 went out to Yelm to watch the stars fall. It was some big named meteor shower, though I can't remember which one. The assistant director of the show was from Yelm, and she said it would be dark enough out there to see. It was. We sat on a picnic cloth, drank wine, talked, and got home really late.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
But I can't really see through telescopes because my vision is so bad.
29. Asked out a stranger
Zirpu and I met on Craigslist. We exchanged a few emails and then arranged to meet in real life. Did I suggest meeting first? I don't exactly remember.
30. Had a snowball fight
A few days a year, usually in late January or early February, the college would have to declare a snow day because it was too hard, or too dangerous, for students and professors to get to school.Our house was near campus so lot of people would come over and we would go on walks, have snowball fights, and drink hot chocolate and eat the cookies or brownies or whatever other good things Jujubi baked.
34. Ridden a roller coaster
Willard's Whizzer and the iconic roller coaster at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, and The Demon at Great America.
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
What does a fool dancing look like? I've done so much dancing that I've probably looked like a fool at least once. I have a still photo of dancing bolero with Zirpu in which I look totally clumsy and graceless.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
I took acting classes at Attic Theater when I was in junior high school. One evening after class a friend and I spoke in British (or British-ish) accents for the whole ride home. We were in a cab, and were talking as if we were in a production of The Diary of Anne Frank. The cabbie probably thought we were show-offs, which we were.
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
Much longer than a moment, and at more than one time. Like these days, for example, despite crankiness due to work burnout.
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
One night when Bink was in law school, she had a party at her house and Spudwhip, Denver D, and I sat in the backyard and passed a bottle of Three Star vodka back and forth. Denver D was in the middle. Spudwhip really took the lead in making sure Denver D would be all right - and the next morning he felt the best of the three of us, since he'd been so sick the night before.
42. Had amazing friends
More interestingly, I have some friends I don't really like. Well, acquaintances really. But the rest of my friends are amazing. I wouldn't settle for less.
44. Watched whales
When Bink got married in the backyard of her in-laws' house on Orcas Island, at the end of the ceremony the minister asked the guests to remain seated while the wedding party walked through to the deck to line up for photos. When the wedding party recessed, all of us were looking out into the San Juan Straits under a blue sky and a hot sun, with lots of boats on the water.
Suddenly a pod of killer whales appeared. It wasn't just that they appeared, but that they showed up after the wedding but while everyone was facing the water. I think it was a sign of good luck.
47. Taken a road-trip
Washington to Colorado three or four times. Oregon to Colorado once. California to Colorado twice. San Francisco Bay Area to Los Angeles area several times. The I-5 Boogie many times.
49. Midnight walk on the beach
After graduation from college, a bunch of us rented a house in Seaside for a few days through Jujubi's parents. The house was a block or so from the beach. One night one of the guys who came down to Seaside for the celebration and I went onto the beach and into the water. It was dark, but there was a moon, and it was cold, but he was from Maine and went a little further out than I did.
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
Jujubi and I were walking around the Hawthorne Street Fair and stopped in to the Baghdad for a cold beverage. There were people at all the tables, but we asked a couple if we could sit in the empty chairs at their table and they said yes. Not long after they left, and a couple of men asked if they could sit with us. People had done it for us, so we said yes, and one of them started chatting a lot to Jujubi.
That was the Famous Irishman. We learned much later that he had made his friend follow us around the fair because he wanted to meet Jujubi.
55. Milked a cow
I milked a goat at Camp Beaverbrook in Calistoga during the summer of fifth grade. The different tent groups took turns taking care of the goats, and our turn fell on a Sunday, the one "sleep in day" during the week. The goats couldn't wait, so we were up at 7:30 to milk them.
58. Sung karaoke
"Me & Bobby McGee," twice. Never again. Do I sound snobby if I say that I sing much better, and feel much more comfortable, with a live band?
59. Lounged around in bed all day
When Shobi-wan and I lived together we stayed in bed as late as we could on Sunday mornings reading the paper and drinking coffee.
62. Kissed in the rain
I lived in the Pacific Northwest for twelve years. Of course!
63. Played in the mud
See above
64. Played in the rain
See above
Anyway, she posted this list. There's 150 of them, which is too many. I was much more curious about the ones she had done, so I thought I would borrow the idea and expand upon my own answers. However, I think I have to break it across two posts.
03. Climbed a mountain
Does Rocky Road, aka Corona Heights, count? All of us neighborhood kids took summertime classes at the Randall Junior Museum. Sometimes afterwards we walked up the long, eastern side of Rocky Road to its peak to look over the city and the bay toward Oakland.
06. Held a tarantula
I forget if this was part of sixth grade Science Camp or at the Randall Junior Museum, but we all sat in a circle and the tarantula walked across our hands as we held them close to each other, palms up, to make a path for the tarantula.
A college friend of mine was so afraid of spiders that when they made him do this is sixth grade, he freaked out and threw the tarantula across the room.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
When I was a kid, the Coos had some property up in Healdsburg, with a cabin that was basically one big room and a sink that had a hose from the creek. There was an old barn, a great treehouse, and an outhouse. There was also a sauna on a deck attached to the cabin. Inside the sauna was an old bathtub in which we would pour about three inches of icy water from the creek, and we'd sit in the tub when we got too hot (DeeKay, as I've mentioned, never did). One night we were all in the sauna with some older kids (I don't remember who they were, except they were teenagers) and they had brought candles into the sauna with us. They had to keep lighting them because there wasn't enough oxygen for them to burn with all of us kids in that little space.
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
Many times.
09. Hugged a tree
I remember a field trip to see some old-growth redwoods. The ranger had some kids in the class hold hands and circle the tree to see how big around it was. We stretched our arms as much as we could and it still took six or eight of us to wrap ourselves around the tree.
11. Visited Paris
Mom called me in January '96 and said, "Round trip tickets to Paris are $400. Want to go?" I arranged coverage at both my jobs, paid for express mail and express processing for my passport, and we spent a week walking all over Paris. Highlights: The Musee D'Orsay and watching a parade of veterans walking up the Champs Elysee to the Arc d'Triomphe, in which hung the largest flag I've ever seen.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Several times, in different states and different states of mind.
15. Gone to a huge sports game
Mom took No and me to see the Giants play the Cincinnati Reds at Candlestick Park when we were kids. I may have been ten at the most. It was much warmer than we'd expected and we sat on our parkas. I was rooting for the home team, but probably read a book during most of the game.
19. Slept under the stars
I was in college the first time I slept in a tent. In second and third grade we went on class camping trips and slept under the trees. one year he place we camped had three-sided shelters, which coincidentally was the same year it rained and rained. There were a bunch of parents, but many many kids - two classrooms' worth, plus our siblings.
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
I hated babysitting. Not because of diapers so much as because of babies. Weird to think that the four children I babysat are now about 30 years old.
22. Watched a meteor shower
A bunch of us working on Laundry and Bourbon and Lone Star in the summer of 1990 went out to Yelm to watch the stars fall. It was some big named meteor shower, though I can't remember which one. The assistant director of the show was from Yelm, and she said it would be dark enough out there to see. It was. We sat on a picnic cloth, drank wine, talked, and got home really late.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
But I can't really see through telescopes because my vision is so bad.
29. Asked out a stranger
Zirpu and I met on Craigslist. We exchanged a few emails and then arranged to meet in real life. Did I suggest meeting first? I don't exactly remember.
30. Had a snowball fight
A few days a year, usually in late January or early February, the college would have to declare a snow day because it was too hard, or too dangerous, for students and professors to get to school.Our house was near campus so lot of people would come over and we would go on walks, have snowball fights, and drink hot chocolate and eat the cookies or brownies or whatever other good things Jujubi baked.
34. Ridden a roller coaster
Willard's Whizzer and the iconic roller coaster at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, and The Demon at Great America.
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
What does a fool dancing look like? I've done so much dancing that I've probably looked like a fool at least once. I have a still photo of dancing bolero with Zirpu in which I look totally clumsy and graceless.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
I took acting classes at Attic Theater when I was in junior high school. One evening after class a friend and I spoke in British (or British-ish) accents for the whole ride home. We were in a cab, and were talking as if we were in a production of The Diary of Anne Frank. The cabbie probably thought we were show-offs, which we were.
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
Much longer than a moment, and at more than one time. Like these days, for example, despite crankiness due to work burnout.
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
One night when Bink was in law school, she had a party at her house and Spudwhip, Denver D, and I sat in the backyard and passed a bottle of Three Star vodka back and forth. Denver D was in the middle. Spudwhip really took the lead in making sure Denver D would be all right - and the next morning he felt the best of the three of us, since he'd been so sick the night before.
42. Had amazing friends
More interestingly, I have some friends I don't really like. Well, acquaintances really. But the rest of my friends are amazing. I wouldn't settle for less.
44. Watched whales
When Bink got married in the backyard of her in-laws' house on Orcas Island, at the end of the ceremony the minister asked the guests to remain seated while the wedding party walked through to the deck to line up for photos. When the wedding party recessed, all of us were looking out into the San Juan Straits under a blue sky and a hot sun, with lots of boats on the water.
Suddenly a pod of killer whales appeared. It wasn't just that they appeared, but that they showed up after the wedding but while everyone was facing the water. I think it was a sign of good luck.
47. Taken a road-trip
Washington to Colorado three or four times. Oregon to Colorado once. California to Colorado twice. San Francisco Bay Area to Los Angeles area several times. The I-5 Boogie many times.
49. Midnight walk on the beach
After graduation from college, a bunch of us rented a house in Seaside for a few days through Jujubi's parents. The house was a block or so from the beach. One night one of the guys who came down to Seaside for the celebration and I went onto the beach and into the water. It was dark, but there was a moon, and it was cold, but he was from Maine and went a little further out than I did.
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
Jujubi and I were walking around the Hawthorne Street Fair and stopped in to the Baghdad for a cold beverage. There were people at all the tables, but we asked a couple if we could sit in the empty chairs at their table and they said yes. Not long after they left, and a couple of men asked if they could sit with us. People had done it for us, so we said yes, and one of them started chatting a lot to Jujubi.
That was the Famous Irishman. We learned much later that he had made his friend follow us around the fair because he wanted to meet Jujubi.
55. Milked a cow
I milked a goat at Camp Beaverbrook in Calistoga during the summer of fifth grade. The different tent groups took turns taking care of the goats, and our turn fell on a Sunday, the one "sleep in day" during the week. The goats couldn't wait, so we were up at 7:30 to milk them.
58. Sung karaoke
"Me & Bobby McGee," twice. Never again. Do I sound snobby if I say that I sing much better, and feel much more comfortable, with a live band?
59. Lounged around in bed all day
When Shobi-wan and I lived together we stayed in bed as late as we could on Sunday mornings reading the paper and drinking coffee.
62. Kissed in the rain
I lived in the Pacific Northwest for twelve years. Of course!
63. Played in the mud
See above
64. Played in the rain
See above
Thursday, November 29, 2007
This photo goes with yesterday's post
It's from one of my yearbooks, and I didn't want to take the time to find and scan it last night. Photos of us are all over that year's yearbook, but this is my favorite one.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Someone On My Mind
I haven't been able to get to the library so I am rereading Annie On My Mind (spoiler alert: link includes a plot synopsis). It's a story about two 12th graders who fall in love. I read it for the first time about ten years ago.
This book was published in 1982, the year I graduated from eighth grade and started high school. I wish I had read it instead of Judy Blume, which I didn't understand. Almost everything that happened in 11th grade, and a lot of the things I'd felt and experienced prior to that, would have made much more sense had I known that girls could, would, and did like girls. I only knew that boys and men were or could be homosexual. For me, so many things were classified under "If I were a boy. . ." The one book I read that had a plot about gay lovers (from the library at my Catholic school, oddly enough) was about a girl who finds her boyfriend in the bushes having sex with her best friend - also a guy.
I was such a dummy. I only have the Reagan Administration and the total lack of talk about sex at home as my defense. The big mystery is why none of it hit home when my (very progressive) PE teacher brought in a panel to discuss homosexuality and even bisexuality for one class during the "Life Skills" quarter.
Of course I fell in love with a girl in my class, my best friend, and in retrospect I know she fell in love with me too. She had a paper route so she could never sleep over, but when I spent the night at her place, I got up and delivered papers with her. When we got back she made the craziest French toast ("When we make it in New Zealand, we always add hot sauce") and I would eat it and not only declare it, but actually find it delicious. For years afterwards, and I mean years, because the last time it happened has been since I moved back to California, whenever I saw someone who looked like her, my heart would stop and I would have to catch my breath (if that sounds like hyperbole, remember this was my first love and I was a teenager so I've gone back to that place when it happened).
If I'd read Annie On My Mind in, say, 1983, or even 1986, so many things would have made much more sense. The fact that I never got what was so special about boys, just for starters! And maybe this girl and I would have had an actual relationship. . . Not that it wouldn't have been full of passion, drama, and confusion- an adolescent relationship is an adolescent relationship after all - and its own problems, especially as in 1985, we would not have been able to be out comfortably at our high school.
I was feeling sad last night about this girl for the first time in many years. And it wasn't she that I was feeling sad about really, it was the missed opportunity, or the experience I could have had or should have had, instead of the one I actually did, which resulted in my running around the halls at the school thinking, "I'm too young for this! I'm only 17!" and getting in a stupid, crazy fight on prom night (well, maybe I wouldn't have gotten in that fight, but I'm sure I would have pled youth about anything). I wonder if we could talk about that craziness now; we sure couldn't the last time we saw each other, in 1989. But all of that is a long story, at least another blog post if not a novel.
This book was published in 1982, the year I graduated from eighth grade and started high school. I wish I had read it instead of Judy Blume, which I didn't understand. Almost everything that happened in 11th grade, and a lot of the things I'd felt and experienced prior to that, would have made much more sense had I known that girls could, would, and did like girls. I only knew that boys and men were or could be homosexual. For me, so many things were classified under "If I were a boy. . ." The one book I read that had a plot about gay lovers (from the library at my Catholic school, oddly enough) was about a girl who finds her boyfriend in the bushes having sex with her best friend - also a guy.
I was such a dummy. I only have the Reagan Administration and the total lack of talk about sex at home as my defense. The big mystery is why none of it hit home when my (very progressive) PE teacher brought in a panel to discuss homosexuality and even bisexuality for one class during the "Life Skills" quarter.
Of course I fell in love with a girl in my class, my best friend, and in retrospect I know she fell in love with me too. She had a paper route so she could never sleep over, but when I spent the night at her place, I got up and delivered papers with her. When we got back she made the craziest French toast ("When we make it in New Zealand, we always add hot sauce") and I would eat it and not only declare it, but actually find it delicious. For years afterwards, and I mean years, because the last time it happened has been since I moved back to California, whenever I saw someone who looked like her, my heart would stop and I would have to catch my breath (if that sounds like hyperbole, remember this was my first love and I was a teenager so I've gone back to that place when it happened).
If I'd read Annie On My Mind in, say, 1983, or even 1986, so many things would have made much more sense. The fact that I never got what was so special about boys, just for starters! And maybe this girl and I would have had an actual relationship. . . Not that it wouldn't have been full of passion, drama, and confusion- an adolescent relationship is an adolescent relationship after all - and its own problems, especially as in 1985, we would not have been able to be out comfortably at our high school.
I was feeling sad last night about this girl for the first time in many years. And it wasn't she that I was feeling sad about really, it was the missed opportunity, or the experience I could have had or should have had, instead of the one I actually did, which resulted in my running around the halls at the school thinking, "I'm too young for this! I'm only 17!" and getting in a stupid, crazy fight on prom night (well, maybe I wouldn't have gotten in that fight, but I'm sure I would have pled youth about anything). I wonder if we could talk about that craziness now; we sure couldn't the last time we saw each other, in 1989. But all of that is a long story, at least another blog post if not a novel.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
An Attitude of Gratitude
I feel grateful because or for:
First and foremost, the love of my family and friends and the love I have for them.
Also, I have the best husband in the world.
In no particular order except for how the following occur to me:
No and KT finally got married
...and that I got to go to Mexico with a big bunch of people I like because of the wedding
Lizard and Batman, Bug and Boy, and the babies that arrived this year
My job at the food bank and being able to afford to work there
Having a boss who notices when I do a good job and is willing to coach me when I need help
The Bi Women's Group
The support from Boegle and Tea to write this blog
Perspective and humor
E-mail
Blessings I receive from clients
Food bank volunteers, in their wide range of character, age, and experience
Being able to help a couple friends make things happen
Health and strength and safety
Another Jon Carroll Thanksgiving column that says what I want to say
First and foremost, the love of my family and friends and the love I have for them.
Also, I have the best husband in the world.
In no particular order except for how the following occur to me:
No and KT finally got married
...and that I got to go to Mexico with a big bunch of people I like because of the wedding
Lizard and Batman, Bug and Boy, and the babies that arrived this year
My job at the food bank and being able to afford to work there
Having a boss who notices when I do a good job and is willing to coach me when I need help
The Bi Women's Group
The support from Boegle and Tea to write this blog
Perspective and humor
Blessings I receive from clients
Food bank volunteers, in their wide range of character, age, and experience
Being able to help a couple friends make things happen
Health and strength and safety
Another Jon Carroll Thanksgiving column that says what I want to say
Thursday, November 8, 2007
...Lest Ye Be Judged
Recently for some reason (maybe because it's on all the time) I've been catching the end of The Next Iron Chef. This show is an elimination competition to select a new Iron Chef for Iron Chef America (the rumor is that Mario Batali is leaving). Because I'm only seeing the last couple of minutes, the only part of the show I've seen is the judging, during which the judges criticize the food. The part that makes me cringe is when they're criticizing the food to the chefs' faces ("Did you even try the cauliflower?"). Maybe it's when I'm tuning in, but I don't remember anyone saying anything nice to the chefs about their food.
This is one of the reasons why I don't watch "American Idol" (which is famous for snarkiness) or "So You Think You Can Dance." The only thing I can imagine worse than being humiliated in front of coworkers is being humiliated on TV, though I recognize that in the case of these two shows, the potential tours are worth the cutting remarks. Still, I can't bear comfortably people saying mean things to each other.
Yet, I realize that judging that comes with remarks is more useful than judging that just gives you a place. Zirpu and I each have learned a lot from post-event meetings with judges. When we went to the Dance-O-Rama in Las Vegas in 2005, we were really inspired and learned a lot from the 400 other dancers, but though we got buttons for each event in which we participated, there were no meetings with judges. All we learned was that we had danced better or worse than people who placed around us, but we didn't know what we had done.
Of course the Arthur Murray Showcase judges are much nicer than these people on TV. However, I must say that our favorite judge/coach is Bill Jacobson, a Canadian Arthur Murray consultant, whose remarks often include the phrase, "That was pretty. . . mediocre." He's always loved our dancing, because even when we're doing it wrong we're dancing together.
This is one of the reasons why I don't watch "American Idol" (which is famous for snarkiness) or "So You Think You Can Dance." The only thing I can imagine worse than being humiliated in front of coworkers is being humiliated on TV, though I recognize that in the case of these two shows, the potential tours are worth the cutting remarks. Still, I can't bear comfortably people saying mean things to each other.
Yet, I realize that judging that comes with remarks is more useful than judging that just gives you a place. Zirpu and I each have learned a lot from post-event meetings with judges. When we went to the Dance-O-Rama in Las Vegas in 2005, we were really inspired and learned a lot from the 400 other dancers, but though we got buttons for each event in which we participated, there were no meetings with judges. All we learned was that we had danced better or worse than people who placed around us, but we didn't know what we had done.
Of course the Arthur Murray Showcase judges are much nicer than these people on TV. However, I must say that our favorite judge/coach is Bill Jacobson, a Canadian Arthur Murray consultant, whose remarks often include the phrase, "That was pretty. . . mediocre." He's always loved our dancing, because even when we're doing it wrong we're dancing together.
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